Over-indulgent Parents And Modern Day Excesses!

As revelations go, to my utter horror, I have come to realize that maybe the husband and I are over-indulgent parents! I understand that all parents indulge their children, but I use the prefix "over" here to qualify that adjective just an extra bit. I look around us and find we're being no different from all our friends, but why then the nagging feeling that we're succumbing to all the excesses of modern day parenthood? I have always wanted to focus on the emotional health and wellbeing of the kid and thought that was of paramount importance in preparing him for life. Compassion, empathy, and understanding of others' plight ought to be priorities in his life, or so I thought. So when and how did all the material excesses creep in, I ask myself.

As for myself, I was raised by my parents in a manner that erred on the side of a sort of disciplinarianism and puritanism combined. My siblings and I had a daily dose of religion, no nonsense rules, and tough love. For our birthdays, all we got were a new set of clothes, a special meal, and always a book for a gift. No parties, no Barbie dolls, nothing fancy that I can remember. Nevertheless, my parents were never egregiously severe authoritarians, negating their children's right to express an opinion. We were all raised on values that we still hold dear, our lives characterized by clear boundaries and clear sanctions. I do look back on my childhood with fondness and nostalgia to this day, so why and when did I start equating my child's happiness with gifts, gadgets and gizmos galore?!?

My North American friends have bought their sixteen year olds Volvos and BMWs for their birthdays, and parents plan months ahead for their children's birthdays and host these elaborate shindigs complete with a coordinated theme, catered food, and gift bags loaded with goodies. I know parents who rent an entire theatre, video games arcade or bowling alley to entertain their kids' friends and classmates, and richer ones give away iPods in their kids' goodie bags. Though the husband and I have never given in to such excesses, at times we do feel that we have this mistaken notion of giving "reasonable" gifts to the kid as a sop to our consciences, both of us being working parents at that. So it goes that the kid got his first mobile phone when he was eight, and his very own debit card when he was ten. The justification for the former was that he took a 10 minute walk back from school and crossed a 2 minute wooded stretch, and so needed it for safety's sake. As for the latter, the husband said he needed to teach the kid financial responsibility (yeah, right!).

The birthday bashes stopped when the kid turned ten and we explained he was on his way to becoming a young man, and didn't need such frivolities anymore. He was fine with that, I should say. On the one hand, we sit and speak to the kid about the starving children in Africa, wanting to motivate his empathy and cultivate humane feelings in him, yet on the other hand, we give in when he wants the iPod Classic replaced with a Nano, and yet again the Nano with an iPod Touch. The same goes for the Playstation I, II, and III consoles, and need I mention the laptop and the LCD HD TV as well! It never occurs to us why we have to replace a gadget that is in perfect working condition. One week after the iPod Touch was bought, the iPhone was released in Vancouver, and the kid goes, " Man, if I had just waited one more week, I could've gotten the iPhone!" My response to that: " Excuse me! Why would we get a 12 year old an iPhone? Even Dad doesn't have one yet!"

Anyways, the justification for all our excesses is that the kid studies well. We have no excuse to deny him the things he asks for because he delivers when it comes to school work, but we always tell him that these are privileges that he has to earn and not things he can take for granted. We want to be good parents who have instilled values in the kid, and looking around us, we take satisfaction that indulgences, excesses and all, we still have managed to do a decent job so far as parents!

Strangers In Cyberspace? Not Anymore!

I was never into the social networking scene in any way whatsoever. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and My Space all seemed uncharted territory to me, until my students from over a period of 20 plus years and from all over the globe roped me into Facebook. I have now come as far as Status Updates, but PhotoTagging, FarmVille, and a whole host of assorted activities on Facebook are still alien to me. One major reason is that I simply do not have the time for such (trivial?) pursuits. However, what I have come to be excited about is the possibility of reconnecting with long lost classmates, students, and acquaintances from my past. One thing I never realized was that I could be on someone's Friends List, without either of us having any clue as to who exactly we were(!!!), which is the reason why I'm writing this blog.

Many months ago, I received a Friend Request from Hannah David Paramanandam. The name Hannah David was very familiar to me, because I had had an English Major student at Lady Doak College (India) by the same name in the late eighties. She was one of the smartest students I'd ever had, and I automatically assumed it was her. I didn't confirm right away that I knew her, because I wasn't too sure about the last name Paramanandam. There was no profile picture at that time for me to verify her identity. I sat on the request for a while, but then rationalized that it was probably the same Hannah David I had taught, that maybe she'd gotten married and taken on her husband's last name. So I finally confirmed that she was a friend. After that, no news from Hannah David at all, no attempt to contact me. That must have rung a bell. Usually, if it's a student from India, I receive a wall post or a message saying how excited the person is to reconnect with me, but in this case, absolute silence!

Anyways, Hannah and I were on each other's Friends list, and when I eventually saw her pictures, I knew it wasn't the same Hannah I knew from the English Department at Lady Doak College. Then, very naively, I assumed that maybe she'd been a student from some other department at LDC, and maybe that's why she'd invited me to be her friend. So there we were looking at each other's pictures, making the odd comment or two,"liking" each other's updates, etc., etc. The best thing about all this was my French Professor, Ms. Maida Gonsalvez (now Thomas) from my undergraduate days in India, found me on Hannah's Friends List and got in touch with me. I was truly thrilled about reconnecting with my teacher, continents away and years apart! And then Ms. Maida (that's how we used to call her, though it beats me why we never called her Ms. Gonsalvez!) asked me the question,"How do you know Hannah?" , to which I had no answer.

The pinnacle of it all came last week, a comment from Hannah with the query,"Are you from Madurai? Just curious." So it finally dawned on me that this wasn't a student from some other department at Lady Doak College, as I had assumed her to be. This poor girl had no clue as to who I was, but yet there we were, friends in cyberspace without really knowing each other! How did I get invited to be her friend in the first place, I have no idea! I've never heard of cyber-ghosts or paranormal occurrences in cyberspace before, so how did this all come to be?!? The whole thing seemed to border on the ludicrous, the ridiculous, and the insane, but the best thing ever was Ms. Maida having found me through Hannah, and through Ms. Maida, I've now gotten in touch with five of my classmates from my undergraduate days!

I do have a few more on my Friends list that I've confirmed as my friends, only because their names rang a bell, but there's been no contact from them. I'm now beginning to wonder if it's the same case as my cyber-friendship with Hannah David...probably I don't know them at all! Anyways, about Hannah David Paramanandam... Is she a stranger in cyberspace? Not anymore, I think!

"Beautiful British Columbia!"

All the license plates in British Columbia boast "Beautiful British Columbia". Agree, I must. I live in one of the most beautiful regions on the planet and I'm positive one has to see it to believe it. I used to live in California and I used to think that was really beautiful, but only until I laid my eyes on the ever so gorgeous British Columbia! To have the Pacific Ocean and its pristine beaches, not to mention the fabulous peaks and ski resorts, and the verdant rain forests, all within driving distance, makes Vancouver one of the most attractive cities in the most beautiful province in the world! I feel proud every time I take a visitor sightseeing, only because this is not part of the tourist stuff for me, but a veritable aspect of my everyday life. Who wouldn't want to live in "Beautiful British Columbia?"

As often as possible, my family and I undertake small day-long excursions to revel in and soak in the natural wonders of my home province. The ethereal, serene beauty of it all works magic on one's senses and transports the beholder to a Shangri-la of sorts. This summer, on a balmy weekend morning, we chose to drive to Pitt Lake, less than 10 miles north of Maple Ridge, BC. The lake is surrounded by rugged, mountainous terrain, and is accessible by road only at the southern end. The lake itself is 14.8 miles long and offers canoeing and kayaking adventures aplenty. There are a number of hiking trails in the dikes on the marshes for the diehard hiker and birdwatching towers for avid bird enthusiasts and photographers. In the picture below is one such birdwatching tower overlooking the marshes, replete with a mind boggling avian variety, a bird lover's paradise indeed. This nesting area for marsh birds is part of the Widgeon Valley Nature Reserve and we had the privilege of watching a couple of photographers in action while we were there.
The shoreline was incredible in its beauty dotted by very few private coves and seasonal homes. The tumbling streams spilling into the lake, the secret coves and sandy beaches are all ideal for fishing or hiking.
However, the park ranger was practical enough to warn dreamy-eyed innocents like me of the presence of cougars and bears in the area, a jolting lesson of how man has encroached the habitat of the wild beasts. Stories of bear mauling are quite rampant in the area, which made me wonder who was the victim here, man or beast? The lurking danger from predators apart, it cannot be denied that this is a sample of what British Columbia is all about - rugged, serene, and primordial in its beauty that makes you wonder if you've died and gone to heaven!

What a fall was that, my countrymen...!

Two weeks ago, I had a nasty, humiliating fall on the street close to my workplace. I have had similar falls on three other occasions before, but those were spills caused by adverse winter weather conditions - black ice on the road, heavy snowfall, melting snowdrifts, etc. This time round, however, it was different. The weather was characteristically balmy, with a clear blue sky and radiant sunshine on that mildly chilly fall day. Not a day one would have an awkward spill, so to say. How on earth then did I fall, I have no clue. All I know is that I found myself in the ignominious position of having collapsed on the road close to the sidewalk, with my leg twisted painfully under me.

Unlike the other times when I'd come down like a sack of potatoes, on this occasion I couldn't pick myself up. Can anyone understand the ignominy, embarrassment, and humiliation of your mind being alert and urging you to get back on your feet before others on the street see you, but your body absolutely refusing to cooperate? Well, there I was, sitting in a daze on the road, while drivers from three different cars waiting at the signal got off and came rushing to my aid. One gentleman hauled me up by my arms, while another picked up my bag and jacket, and yet another stood behind me in support as I tried to find my feet. Oh, what a fall was that, my countrymen...!

Two weeks later, I still feel acute pain around my left ankle and right heel, so much so it had the husband worried and made him cart me off to the doctor's office. The prognosis, my friends, though not dire, is still grim. I seem to have sprained my ligaments in the aforesaid places. Not bad indeed considering the fact I could've fractured any of the bones in both my legs. Now, not only do I need painkillers, but I need to have a physiotherapist work his/her magic on my throbbing feet to alleviate the pain. The only good thing that has come out of this ordeal is I can sit around and order both my men (husband and kid) to fetch and carry things for me! And oh yeah, did I mention the long, enjoyable soaks in the hot tub? Every cloud has a silver lining, as the cliche goes, and so does my fall! As much as I dread the onset of winter and more spills to come, I'm making the best of all the attention I'm receiving right now, in and out of the hot tub, might I add!

Happy Diwali, Friends!

As Diwali (Festival of Lights) is being celebrated today by my Indian friends - Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, and others, I wish each one of them abundance of prosperity and happiness and pray that the bright glow of the festive lights illuminate their days ahead! As I was raised a Christian, Diwali had never been close to my heart. My only fascination with this festival had been the cartloads of fireworks - sparklers, crackers, matches, flowerpots, chakras (fiery wheels) and the like that I had taken pleasure in as a child in India. Well, I moved to the US when my son was merely a year old, and since it's next to impossible to light sparklers and crackers here in North America, I feel a pang that my son is missing out on all the excitement and fun of the resplendently colorful fireworks I'd enjoyed as a kid.

Diwali in Canada is more sedate and laidback, what with a thinly spread out Indian diaspora in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia. Friends who speak the same language are fewer and far between, so my family and I have learned to tone down our expectations of any kind of exuberant celebration here. In fact, in all these six years here in Vancouver, I have met only one other Tamil speaking family hailing from mainland Tamilnadu in India. All the other friends are Sri Lankans who speak a different dialect of Tamil. Very recently though, I met a newly hired colleague, R. from Malaysia, whose parents and grandparents hail from my home state in India, and I was thrilled to learn that R. speaks the same kind of Tamil that I do, despite being born and raised in Malaysia. So now the number of my Tamil acquaintances has increased to a whopping two!

My husband comes from a traditional, conservative Hindu family, and we usually spend Diwali morning calling and greeting members of his extended family in India, as well as friends here and abroad. Diwali is just like any other day to us now, being so far away from home, but because of the urging of my in-laws, wearing new clothes and offering prayers have become mandatory (the picture above, taken today, shows my father-in-law who passed away two years ago, and who made sure that Diwali was a memorable celebration for the entire family). However, the foodie that I am, I usually make sure I cook a traditional Diwali meal for the husband and kid. Today I made my mother-in-law proud by following her recipes and cooking up a delectable spread for the family. The incessant rains didn't deter us from venturing out of the house on a personal engagement though.

I am not a traditional Hindu wife, but my tolerance towards and respect for my husband's religion has made life and its allied celebrations a pleasure. I look for the good in everything, religion included, and this has endeared me to everyone I know. My husband reciprocates the same, celebrating Christmas with the same enthusiasm and gusto. I only hope my son learns values such as respect, empathy, and tolerance from his parents and tries to appreciate everything that is different and inherently good. All in all, shouldn't life be just about that?!?

Happy Diwali, my friends! I pray that all of you be blessed with good health, prosperity, and happiness in the coming days!

Our Seventh Canadian Thanksgiving!!!

Canadians observe Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October unlike our neighbors down South who celebrate it in November each year. Today, my family and I celebrated our seventh Thanksgiving in Canada, albeit with an indianized menu! We left India twelve years ago to move to the United States, and Canada then was nowhere on our horizon. The move to the US having been unforeseen and surreal in itself, had anyone ever told me I'd eventually become a Canadian citizen, I would've considered the idea preposterous and laughed in their face. Well, here I am now, a true, tried and tested Canadian, proud of how far my family and I have come. See picture above taken during our Citizenship Ceremony two years ago.

I reflect on the path we've taken thus far and am truly thankful for all of life's blessings here in Canada. Like all new immigrants', our life was not easy in the initial years. Having been caught in the vicissitudes of life, maintaining our equilibrium and peace of mind was an arduous task. Looking back, life was definitely not easy, but we have now reached a stage where we're grateful for all the things we've been blessed with - good health, comfortable jobs, great friends and colleagues, friendly neighbors, a cosy home, and above all, life in one of the best countries and in one of the most livable cities in the world! What else could one ask for?

As I prepare Thanksgiving dinner for my family, I have enough food for thought as well. Here's a lovely poem (author unknown) that I read that reflects my state of mind right now, and what we all ought to focus on:

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself."

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!! 

Strange Bedfellows And Unlikely Friends!

The day before yesterday, Thursday, October 1st, was bittersweet, mainly because it marked the end (sort of) of a period of camaraderie and friendship I'd had earlier and signaled the forging of a new alliance with my colleagues and friends. There were the four of us women at the workplace, all from different backgrounds and with varied interests and of different ages, but we seemed to have struck a friendship that transcended everything petty and mundane. We were members of a sisterhood who had excellent vibes and were always there for each other, personally and professionally.

I took up teaching an evening class for immigrants last June, a class that was labor market focused, aimed at helping immigrants towards employability and settlement in Canada. Two weeks later came S.G. who was to teach an ESL class for immigrants as well. Both of us hit it off right from the start, despite the difference in our ages. We were as different as chalk from cheese, but there was this comfortable understanding between us. S. was into figure competitions and hit the gym faithfully every single day, something that inspired me no end. Young and petite as she was, she could easily beat the crap out of any able-bodied man, I thought, and that was something that I admired endlessly again.Both S. and I put in a full day's work and then showed up to teach this evening class, but there was this positive energy flowing between us that made working into the late hours a cakewalk.

Two months later G.P. joined our team to teach another labour market focused class in the evening. G. was closer in age to me and I discovered shortly thereafter that we were kindred spirits who could chat about anything and everything under the sun. With her Ph.D. in Linguistics, she was a well-read and well-informed person. Endless were our conversations on the bus and off it as well. We would talk incessantly about our academic backgounds, what we had given up professionally in our countries to come as immigrants to Canada, the unfairness of life in general, the vagaries of our growing children and what not. The fact that G.'s was a labour market focused class as well helped...we made it a point to have joint activities for our classes- conversation sessions, fieldtrips, guest speakers et al. It was just the three women in the evenings thrice a week, S., G., and myself, and man, didn't we rock!

It so happened that in April, S. and I shared a Level 4 class during the day, myself teaching in the mornings and S. in the afternoons. It was then that we met C.M., an affable, genial, pleasant-mannered darling of a person. She was considerably older than the rest of us, but we all meshed right in. C. was such an angel, a colleague who was always friendly and outgoing and put everyone else at ease. Many were the occasions when we brought our students together for a joint activity and just basked in the warmth and geniality of it all. Well, due to personal reasons, C. chose to move to another location because of its proximity to her home, and come Monday, we're all going to miss her terribly at work.

Day before yesterday was bittersweet because we were happy for C. that she'll be working closer to home, but also sad that she was leaving us all. To mark the occasion, we four ladies hit White Spot, a restaurant close by and savored our time together for one last time. I'm hoping that it isn't the last time ever...maybe Providence will engineer a situation where we're all thrown together again, strange bedfellows and unlikely friends in that sisterhood of ours we cherish so much!