No Time To Stop And Stare!

What is life if there is no time to stop and stare, I wonder! As much as I exult in the fact that both the husband and I have jobs that leave us gratified, I can't help quell that niggling thought that our lives have become so busy, mechanical, and high strung for leisurely pursuits of any kind. From the moment we open our eyes at 5.30 AM each morning, it's GO, GO, GO all the time, till we hit the sack around 10.30 or 11 PM at night. There's hardly any time for a breather in between ... my days are so super-structured and highly regimented that sometimes even bio-breaks are impossible to have. I am left with what my professor at the University of California used to call a "teacher's bladder" ... go figure! If that is my case, the husband brings home his lunch uneaten, or worse still, has his sleep disrupted to troubleshoot something that has cropped up at work - the price one pays for being in senior management, I suppose!

When was the last time we took an extended vacation as a family? That would be in January, 2008, when we both managed to make a two-week escape from all the madness and made it to India for a wedding in the family. I almost didn't make it because I was asked to cancel my trip two weeks before I was scheduled to fly out, all because of some inspection from some Canadian licensing board for which management wanted me to be present. I put my foot down and refused to do so, angering the management a great deal. I couldn't care less, because we were making it to India for the first time together as a family, after 10 long years of having left India for America, and I was determined not to let anything throw a monkey wrench in the works. Did we have a great time in India? Yes, we did, but we were so sleep deprived during the 2 weeks because it was a Hindu wedding, the rituals of which were spread out over many days, and my mother-in-law would wake us up at the unearthly hours of the night and the unholy hours of the morning for some ritual or the other! :)

Since then, we've only managed to get away for 3 days at the most at a time, that too for short road trips here in North America. Even then, the husband used to bring his work with him, and sometimes lock himself up in the bathroom at 4.30 or 5 AM in the mornings to take or make calls, in order not to disturb our sleep. On one occasion, he was whispering instructions on the phone at 4.30 AM, when the person at work on the other end asked him why his voice was so feeble and if he were sick. He had to confess that he was calling from the bathroom lest he woke us up! That's our life, and sometimes, we feel terribly sorry for the kid who has to put up with all this crap. He hasn't complained, at least not yet, because he's busy with his studies and doing his own thing. As for me, I have no reason to complain, but sometimes I wish I just had the time to do all the things I've been putting off for way too long. My reading list has been growing of late, and I feel a rising panic if I can read them all in time - that's just one example, from my long list of pending things to do!

After all, what is life if there is no time to stop and stare?!?

An Outrageous Verdict

Civilized America has just let out a collective gasp of disbelief and dismay on hearing the acquittal verdict of the jury in the Casey Anthony trial. For the past three years, the entire nation, and its neighbors to the North, have been riveted by the unseemly case of a young mother having allegedly done away with her two year old child, Caylee, in order to continue with her partying ways. It was a drama the likes of which we had never seen before, the "tot mom" as Nancy Grace had dubbed her, being the most reviled woman in America thus far. The circus brought to the fore the entire dysfunctional Anthony family, the press out like a bloodhound every single day, a legion of angry protesters outside the family home crying for blood, and eager members of the public trying to get into the courthouse each day of the sordid trial to watch the legal drama being played out by both the prosecutors and the defense.

While forensic analysis, common sense and gut instinct cried out that Casey Anthony had killed her defenseless child by allegedly administering her chloroform and suffocating her with duct tape placed around the mouth and nose, and then disposing off the body in the woods less than a mile from her parents' house, it has come as a great shock to the public that the jurors acquitted her, going against the common grain, citing lack of motive and conclusive evidence. Her lawyers mounted a vigorous defense that the time or manner of death of Caylee were inconclusive and that there was no concrete proof that Casey was responsible for the deed after all. The prosecution had asked for the death penalty in this case, but in retrospect, perhaps they had overreached in their charges that could not be proved without the shadow of a doubt.

Passions seem to be running high since the verdict was read out a few days ago, and with Casey to be let out of jail in the coming days, there have been many death threats to her, the jurors, and her family as well. Her defense lawyer now has an agent to field calls from the media, television corporations are vying with each other to score the first interview with Casey, and jail officials are planning how to let her out through the back door, away from the prying eyes of the media and the blood calls of the protesters. Casey Anthony has already turned down a jail cell visit from her estranged mother, and the drama continues to unfold on the airwaves, from everyone to her former friends, ex-boyfriends, psychologists, and lawyers from all over weighing in on the case. As to what the future holds for Casey, one has to wait and see, and as to who killed Caylee Marie Anthony, and how, one may never know the answer!

Birthdays

I celebrated my birthday recently, very quietly and without fanfare. I didn't breathe a word about it to my colleagues or students, but since I have the day listed on Facebook, many of my well-meaning friends greeted me on my birthday. Birthdays signal the inexorable passage of time and mark an added year to our lives, and this, from the vantage point of an aging adult! However, when one is a child, birthdays are looked forward to with eager anticipation as a day of gay abandon, gifts galore, cakes, candles and the works. Children start dreaming about their birthdays well in advance and start the countdown to the big day at least a month ahead of time. They keep wondering about what surprise gifts are in store for them, what clothes they will wear on that day, what kind of party they will have, and which of their friends and classmates to invite to it. While this is the norm, strangely enough, in my case, it wasn't.

As a child, I never had a birthday party or cut a birthday cake with candles for that matter. My parents thought it was a very frivolous thing to do so. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, the only things that indicated my birthday were a new set of clothes, and my mother cooking my favorite food. That, and of course, a special mention of thanks to God during the daily family prayer. As for gifts, I received a book, only a book, and nothing but a book! To this day, I don't cut a cake on my birthday. In all my life, only twice have I done so, that too only because someone brought it as a surprise. My husband also had a similar childhood, so he's not into the cake-cutting thing either.

We decided that we'd do things differently for our only child, so it was parties, cakes, candles, guest lists, goody bags, etc., - the usual stuff - but only until he was 10. We explained to him that he was well on his way to becoming a teenager and didn't need a big bash from then on, and surprisingly, he took it well enough. Birthdays are rather muted, played-down affairs at home these days. There are cakes and gifts for the kid, with occasionally a few of his friends coming over for pizza and pop, but none of the hoopla that characterizes other children's birthdays. It's mostly a quiet family dinner, with just the three of us. We donate money for a cause or to a charity of our choice, and that's about it. We'd much rather have it that way, and not sensationalize the big day with wild parties of any kind. After all, as John Glenn once said, "There is still no cure for the common birthday!"

Canada Day 2011

It's been almost 8 years since I landed in Canada with my family, and regrets there have been none! Fourteen years ago, when I left India for California, had anyone told me that I would eventually become a Canadian citizen and hold a Canadian passport, I would've laughed at them as being ridiculous and dismissed the whole thing as being far-fetched and preposterous. Back then, Canada was nowhere on my horizon, but strange how life takes you on an incredible journey! From smalltown Madurai to San Jose in Silicon Valley to Vancouver in beautiful British Columbia has been one hell of a ride, I must acknowledge. Life has never been without its inherent struggles, but as I went along with the natural course of events, Providence guided me along and eventually landed me in the safe haven that is Canada.

Today marks my eighth Canada Day, and I celebrate life here with gratitude for all the blessings that this wonderful land has to offer. With acculturation and social inclusion has come a feeling of peace and contentment, and when I look back, I realize this was where I was meant to be. When I became a Canadian citizen, I was invited to give a speech on behalf of all the new citizens that day ( to about a hundred or so people from all over the world), an honor I will always cherish for the rest of my life. In my speech, I touched upon my immigrant experiences and held myself as an example of how to work towards comfortable settlement in our adopted land, and I felt truly elated when many people, including the chief guest, came afterwards to congratulate me on my speech. Life has been good so far, and I find added fulfillment each day, teaching new immigrants to Canada and helping them in their settlement process here.

Though I love India, the country of my birth, as well, it has become clearer to me that I will never be going back to live there again. Apart from making trips to visit extended family and friends, and to take a look at property that I still own there, there's nothing else going for me in India right now. While I feel a pang about it as always, the reality is that Canada is my home now and for the foreseeable future. The choice has been made and I embrace it wholeheartedly with sheer pleasure and gratefulness. Happy Birthday, Canada, and wish you many more glorious ones to come!

Vancouver's Night Of Shame

The Stanley Cup run has come to an inglorious end, thanks to a bunch of thugs and hooligans who went on a rampage after the Canucks' 4-0 loss to the Boston Bruins. The sense of pride and achievement still hanging over us after the successful conduct of the Winter 2010 Winter Olympics has now evaporated into thin air because of the destructive acts of a few bad elements. Overturned cars and trucks being set on fire, breaking of store windows, looting of merchandise, general destruction of public property everywhere and billowing smoke in the downtown core have seriously damaged the reputation of Vancouver as the most livable city in the world. On top of the pain of having lost the Stanley Cup after getting so close to it, now Vancouver has earned the notoriety of being the city of sore losers as well.

Having come from a country of rabid cricket fans, I have always been confounded by the behavior of fans after a game loss. If the cricket team won, the players were lauded as heroes and celebrated to the utmost, but if they lost a match, their homes were pelted with stones and rocks, the chairs in the stadium were set on fire, buses were burned, government offices and public buildings came under attack, and sometimes, the players even received death threats. It begs the question how someone can keep winning all the time. Don't we win some, and lose some? What about being gracious in defeat? Is winning a game the be-all and end-all of our existence? Seriously, guys, grow up! How about showing some class and grace and acknowledging the skills of the other team and giving them credit for their victory?!?

One common truth that jumps out of this chain of events is that fans are RABID, period! Whatever part of the civilized world they are from, when it comes to winning or losing a sport, they are all governed by elemental emotions that blind them to decorum and basic civility of any kind . Sanity takes a back seat, and the mob mentality takes over. True fans would never resort to violence and destruction as those in Vancouver have, rather they would applaud their team for having come this far along in the game, to the finals, after 17 years! They would congratulate their team for their mettle and perseverance, and egg them on to victory in the year to come. Sadly enough, sane-minded people and loyal fans have now been left hanging their heads in shame because of the atrocious behavior of a few hooligans who have brought on untold shame and embarrassment to this beautiful city. I hope to God Vancouver gets a chance to redeem itself in the eyes of the world soon enough!

Exam Fever

It's that time of the year again when school days are coming to a close and examinations are looming large on the horizon for students of all ages. Private academies, tutors, and cram sessions are the order of the day, and the air is abuzz and crackling with examination fever everywhere. The kid at home is taking his exams as well, but unlike other homes, there is a relative calm and eerie quiet here, something that startles me as a parent and scares the bejesus (sorry God!) out of me! In one of my earlier posts about learning styles, I'd commented on how different my approach to exams was from my son's. Nothing has changed much since then, as I school myself not to panic about his nonchalant attitude to exams.

The kid has taken on an ambitious challenge this year. As a student of the International Baccalaureate Program, he has completed the Grade 11 subjects in Grade 10 itself, so in addition to the regular Grade 10 Provincial Exams, he is also taking the Grade 11 exams, all within ten days' time. After 5 days of rest, he plans to start the Grade 12 classes in Math and Biology or Physics during the summer vacation, then take those exams as well. So that makes it three Grade Level exams in two months' time. Though we worry that he might probably be biting off more than he can chew, he seems confident that he can pull it off after all. He's aiming to do the best he can, and seems to think that even if he misses out on a mark or two in any exam, he can always take it a second time with the other regular students and improve his score.

Mom, as always, is a nervous wreck, unlike the cool kid who always treats an exam day just like any other regular school day. There is no compromising on his sleep at any cost - "I need my regular hours of sleep, you know," is his usual comment. He wakes up only at 6.45 every day to take the 7.30 bus to school, and it's the same even on an important exam day like Math or Science. No waking up early, no reviewing the books in the morning, no cramming till the last minute before he enters the exam hall - all of which are his mother's usual style. It completely confounds me how one can remember what one studied the previous night, without having to look at the books in the morning for a last minute review! Well, that's my son for you! I feel as if I've gone through a wringer every exam period, while the kid's nonchalance carries him through with aplomb and he emerges unscathed, with nary a scratch. To be very honest, the exam fever in the title is just for the Mom, and definitely not for the kid, I must confess! :)

Keeping In Touch

As I have said time and again, keeping in touch with friends, family, and neighbors hasn't always been easy for me. As one gets caught in the vicissitudes of life, communication with others slowly deteriorates and gradually comes to a standstill. Moving away from one's home country exacerbates this whole thing, and eventually even the little communication one had with others completely grinds to a halt. So had been my case, until I decided to take matters into my own hands. It's been almost 14 years since I left India, and since my siblings and I all live in different countries, I haven't been able to see much of them at all. Not once have all the four of us been under one roof at the same time, and it really sucks big time, to be with just one sibling and miss the other two at any given time.

The same can be said for having missed out on weddings, births, anniversaries, etc., etc. I wasn't there for my only nephew's wedding, and now that he lives in Australia, his wife and two children are still strangers to me. My niece got married last year, and as usual, due to work commitments, I wasn't able to attend her wedding as well. She celebrated her first anniversary last week, and it's sad that I really don't know her husband at all. Most of my cousins' children were babies or young kids when I left India, and they don't know me as their aunt. Some of my cousins live abroad elsewhere and it's very sad that I haven't seen them or their spouses in a long while, and sadly enough, I have never seen their children at all.

When one lives far away from family and friends, one begins to realize how precious they are. Thanks to Facebook, I decided to reach out to some of my long lost cousins in the extended family, and to all their kids as well. In many a case, I had to introduce myself to these youngsters, an aunt they never realized existed in another part of the world! I decided I would be the "cool" aunt who would stay in touch with these children and be a part of their lives, albeit in cyberspace. It's lovely to know what's going on with them, but I feel a pang that my son is missing out on all those unique experiences of childhood, such as going to the grandparents' home for vacation and having a jolly time with his assorted cousins. Time and distance and work/study commitments, as well as monetary considerations have wreaked havoc on annual travel and visiting everyone on a regular basis, but I hope to keep in touch with everyone via Facebook at least, as the years roll by. Little compensation that, but I'll take it gladly any time!!!