Acrimony And Bitterness In A Marriage

I have seen first hand several supposedly strong marriages bite the dust. The rancor, acrimony, bitterness, resentment, and sheer hostility the spouses have for each other as the marriage crumbles is unbelievable. Whatever brought this on, I wonder! These seemingly loving couples who had hitherto been all over each other get to a stage where they simply can't stand the sight of each other, let alone be in the same room. If children are involved in the equation, then the wrangling and custody disputes reach unparalleled heights of nastiness. And if there's plenty of money thrown in the mix, then the fight escalates to an almost unthinkably barbaric level.

In my opinion, most marriages these days fail because of very many reasons, a few of which I think it's important to mention here. One of them is the tendency to focus on all the negative points of the partner, magnifying them and exaggerating them out of proportion, until life with the man or woman becomes next to impossible. There is also the overwhelming urge to control the spouse, which could be emotional as well as financial, and in some cases escalate to physical domination, such as hitting and throwing things at the spouse to intimidate them and make them cower in fear. Emotional control can be very damaging because one wants the other to change according to his/her wish, not realizing that the person is an individual in his/her own right. And financial control can go to a ridiculous extent as well. I personally know a case where the wife controls the bank accounts and gives the husband just two dollars a day for coffee and nothing more... something quite pathetic, considering the high station of the husband.

The foremost of reasons that leads to the breakup of a marriage is trash-talking the spouse to family and friends, and constantly berating the spouse's parents and siblings on a daily basis, but speaking very highly of his or her own , something that noone can tolerate. When there is no love or respect in the marriage, but there is only contempt for the spouse and his or her family, then the marriage is doomed to fail and is beyond salvaging of any kind. Trust plays a very important role in keeping a marriage together, and once suspicion rears its ugly head, then paranoia sets in - not a very good thing for a marriage to succeed. This only leads to emotional withdrawal in the marriage, slowly paving the way for an acrimonious tussle between the spouses.

I remember someone saying that marriage should never be considered a noun, but looked at as a verb ... what a profound truth! When one takes the vow of "I do," one has to take it seriously and work actively at it to make it succeed. The husband and I have been doing just that, and the week after next will be celebrating 23 years of togetherness. Here's to us, let me say!!!