Tough Love

Am I my child's parent or friend, I often wonder! As much as I would like to be the kid's friend, there are times when disciplining the child becomes imperative, and I then play the role of a parent, read "monster" here. In a world where children are becoming increasingly narcissistic and self-centred, and have a sense of entitlement to all that they desire, it rests on the parents to dole out some tough love as and when the occasion warrants. In most families, it is the mother who becomes the disciplinarian and thus the villain, while the father almost always gives in to the kid and ends up becoming the good guy. At least that's the case here at my home!

I grew up in a strict, yet loving family where austerity bordering on the puritanical was an accepted norm. No lavish birthday parties, no excessive gifts, but just a book for a gift, a set of new clothes, and our favourite meal were to be expected on our birthdays. New Year was celebrated, not Christmas, and this was marked by going to church early in the morning wearing new clothes, and a sumptuous lunch that followed to celebrate the day. There were strict rules to be followed at home, like family prayers in the evening and going to church every week, and our parents' commands had to be obeyed without question. Narcissism didn't exist then, neither did self-entitlement. It's a whole different ball game altogether these days where the kid has everything his heart desires, asks for a good reason why he has to do something when he's told to, and argues unabashedly and convincingly to justify his stand on anything for that matter, from mundane things as taking out the garbage or recycling the newspapers, to sublime matters such as philosophy or religion.

As a parent, I keep reminding the kid that everything he has is a privilege and not a right. He needs to follow the rules, tough as they might seem to him, as long as he lives with us. I tell him I'm being cruel only to be kind, not that he gets it all the time! The rules aren't that impossible to follow (in my opinion) - no pop, particularly at bedtime (maybe Diet occasionally), no Playstation 3 during school weeks, no insipid TV shows on weeknights, daily review at home of all that was studied at school, veggies at mealtime, 30 minutes of cardio each day, no iPod in bed, laptop only for studies and not for watching movies, to name a few. The kid's usually good at following them until the husband throws a monkey wrench in the works by exclaiming, "He's a child, for heaven's sake!" or "You should've been a drill sergeant in the military!" or something to that effect, and lo and behold, the kid's up in arms and goes, " Yeah, Ma, am I at home or at boot camp?" So much for my tough love, as I leave the kid and start battling the husband and his stupid comments! That's another week of hard work for me before I can bring the kid around!