The Tiger Mothers

Yale Law Professor Amy Chua has fired up a controversial debate if Chinese mothers are superior to Western mothers, with the recent publication of her book "Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother." I haven't read the book in its entirety (I certainly hope to, soon) but enjoyed the excerpt in the Wall Street Journal and the backlash from irate parents, American, Chinese, and everyone else, that the article received. I also happened to see Amy Chua on American Morning live, defending her stand that she's not advocating or recommending the Tiger Mother way of raising chidren, but merely stating her own case with her two daughters, and how she had to draw back when her younger child rebelled at 13, and when she realized that this harsh way of parenting wasn't working with her kid.

That takes us to encapsulate the Tiger Mother way of raising one's kids, namely, no sleepovers, no play dates, no school plays, no extracurricular activities of the child's choice, no TV, no video games, compulsory playing of either the piano or violin (and no other instrument), not bringing home grades less than an 'A'( except in gym and in drama), standing over the child at the piano and yelling at her till she got the difficult piece right, threatening to ship her doll house piece by piece when the mother didn't get the desired results, calling the child "garbage" in order to motivate her to perfection, etc., etc., to name a few! That was the way Amy Chua was raised, and she chose to parent her daughters the same way! Chinese mothers are all for academic excellence in their children and their playing the piano and violin to perfection, and nothing else matters to them, not even the happiness of the child, because though the child is unhappy now, he/she will definitely be grateful to the mothers when they become successful in the future. The American parents were furious because the Professor thought they coddled and pampered their children too much, and let them get away with sub-standard performances in academics and mediocrity in general.

I had a wonderful discussion in class about this with my international students, and the consensus seemed to be that there should be a balance in how we raise our children, neither the extremely harsh parenting method of the Chinese mother, nor the lax, lenient American way! Hmmm ... that led me to ponder about my own style of parenting, needless to say. I believe in allowing my child the freedom to explore on his own and think for himself, and while I allow him his liberties and happiness, I also ensure that he gets grades good enough that will lead him on to a good university, and eventually, the career of his choice. As an Indian parent, I still carry with me the values of an Indian upbringing, and to me, education is the key to success, as I keep reminding my son quite often! He has all the perks and privileges of a teenager, from the latest gadgets to a generous allowance to birthday parties to going to friends' homes to social networking, and the like. Just like Amy Chua, I think my son's grades are very important for his future, but I certainly don't go about threatening him or yelling at him if he misses out a mark or two. If he came home with a 'B' or 'C', on the other hand, then that would most certainly be a cause for concern, as that would undermine his academic pursuits in the long run. Luckily for me, a gentle coaxing, a soft reminder, a benign nudge is all it takes for him to perk up for the next test, and I'm truly thankful that I don't ever have to be a Tiger Mother after all!!!